Monday, 10 March 2008

Temporal Lobe Epilepsy , Deja Vu & The Daemon (Personal Experience)

Posting by Daza Vu using the Doppelganger Facility.

I have had Temporal Lobe Epilepsy since the age of 16 (I'm now 30). I underwent an operation back in November 2006 to have part of my left temporal lobe removed. I have been use in the past to a lot of things that where mentioned on your youtube video. For example when I have an petit-mal absence (which can last hours) I am literally taken over by some other part of me that has, in the past, shown knowledge and performed actions without my involvement. I also experienced exactly the same kind of time slowing down as you describe in your lecture happened to 'Margaret'.

When I go into an absence I seem to not feel pain. I once had a seizure whilst making a cup of tea. I continued pouring the boiling water over my fingers whist I was in the 'absence'. This badly scalded my fingers. Normally that would bring about an instinctive reaction to pull my hand away from the scalding water. This did not happen. I poured the whole boiling contents of the kettle onto my hand and felt nothing. It was only later, and after the petit mal had come to an end, when my hand swelled up like a balloon that my mother realised what I had done and rushed me to hospital.

My absences and seizures became so regular that I simply couldn't go on. I didn't want to continue with my medications and agreed to have an operation to cut out the parts of my temporal lobes that the epilepsy started from.

When I awoke from the operation my first words were not my own, something in me said to the doctor "What am I doing alive?". I have subsequently felt that something strange happened on that operating table. In one universe I died but in this one, and for some strange reason, I survived.

Since my operation I have been attack free for just over 1 year but my deja vu's have increased a lot, I have met people I've never met before and when they've started a conversation I can finish the story and tell them what they are about to tell me. Just last week I went out with a friend and a few more people and whilst everyone was in conversation I was just sat there blown away because I just felt I'd been there before in the past. I feel as though I'm re-living life again but this time making the opposite decision to what I would of made in the previous life to see the outcome. This is exactly how you describe it in your lecture. All the time I keep changing the future for myself but another me follows the other path. The weird thing is I know that even if I committed suicide I would wake up again as if nothing had happened.

I also have heightened senses. I can have my music on really loudly in my bedroom but if my mother is talking about me in the kitchen something in me hears this and I am aware of every word. It is as if somebody has moved a hifi speaker much closer to me. I can also sometimes focus my vision onto distant objects and 'zoom in'.

I feel that the reality I see around me is an illusion - just like the Jim Carrey character discovers in the movie "The Truman Show". I had always felt this but it is even stronger since my operation. My deja vu sensations prove this to me. Last week I was watching the Everton game on TV with a group of friends. I had a weird deja vu like feeling and I told them that Everton would be beaten 2-0. It may have been coincidence (which I know it was not) but that was the correct score.

There is a video by one of my favourite bands (Chicane). It really defines exactly how I feel about the world. It is as if there is a hidden pattern to everything and my epilepsy helps me see it - but just as in the video, I am mostly in a state of confusion, the meaning becomes clear when something else happens. I know that I have experienced these things before. My deja vus are memories of the last time I lived this life. I am going round and round as the guy is in the video.

(link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z7jZ1zaH6IA)

I met Anthony on Friday and after discussing my experiences and his theory I know that he is suggesting something of profound importance - I know because I am living his theory every day. For me his 'Cheating The Ferryman' explains everything that is happening to me.

5 comments:

Hurlyburly said...

Welcome to the board, outstanding post. You describe the little things that convince us of Tony's very convincingly and i have complete faith that what you're saying is true. I'm sure your perspective will be very appreciated and enjoyed here.

Dreamer said...

Wow, what an amazing story. I imagine it must be both a blessing and a curse to experience the world the way you do. It must be confusing, overwhelming, and very trying, but at the same time way beyond what most of us are capable of -- enlightening. (I guess you could call it a gift? Maybe not always a welcome one!)

I hope you don't find my comments presumptuous -- I really have no idea what it must be like to go through what you've been through.

I'm glad you've discovered Cheating the Ferryman, and I hope it helps you make sense of your experiences. Again -- wow.

Karl L Le Marcs said...

Daza Vu;
welcome indeed, and thank you for such a deeply personally and equally wonderous post. I genuinely believe we are collectively delving deeper into the realities of consciousness than ever before, and I hope that continued posts from yourself (and your comments on other bloggers posts of course) will help contribute further to this esoteric journey we are sharing.

susan marie said...

Yes, I agree with everyone above: This post is stunning in that it is deeply personal yet has meaning and ramifications for the collective psyche of mankind. And it strengthen and enhances the CTF theory wonderfully. As Dreamer stated above , it must be at once a blessing and a cross to bear to perceive the world as you do. But please do keep telling us about it, and thank you, truly.

johar said...

Daza,

I can only echo what everyone above has said, an amazing post, it gives me hope.
I hope you are coping OK with with the life you have.
Thank you again , you are a brave person to share this with us.