Owing to everyone’s kind comments on here regarding my posts I feel comfortable sharing something personal about which I have previously never spoken publicly.
I post not of Rebecca, by whom I mean the main character in the Daphne Du Maurier book – the title of this post being the opening line from the novel - but I speak of Rachael……..my Rachael.
I have searched for the “real” Rachael for most of my life, and last night, in a rare moment of sleep, I met her again, at Mandalay (an old stall on Camden Market) during one of my Lucid Dreams.
As I’ve posted previously, I'm not 'Nietzschean' in aspect of the eternal returns but more quantum in the potential of energy and I’ve also posted of my lack of any Déjà vu or precognitive experiences, but if I ever meet Rachael, in waking life, this WILL change massively.
The Mandalay stall in Camden Town (my spiritual home) is long gone. It was by the Cuban Bar near Stables Market if you are ever there. In my Lucid Dreams I travel to Camden to meet Rachael and go for a drink in the Cuban Bar (invariably she chooses one of their cocktails) before deciding what to do, where to go etc. I’ve known her for over 15 years now and it feels like we’ve known each other forever in the dreams. I’ve even sat in the “real” Cuban Bar many times but never seen her.
Whenever Rachael and I are about to leave wherever we are I say to her, “Let’s go” and she responds in a particular way with just two words. I then say something else and she responds again in a specific phrase (a clue lies within the plays of Samuel Beckett).
With every girl that I have ever spent any length of time with I have always casually dropped in the “Let’s go” line, but no-one has ever responded as Rachael does. If they did then I expect time would literally stand still for me, right there and right then.
Over the last year or so since I first met Tony and read his book I’ve felt many links to Rachael (too numerous to relate here) and last night she was holding “Is There Life After Death” when I met her. She told me to post this here and said, “We met just around now, do you remember?”
This shook me up on waking so I decided that now was the time, and here was the place to share this to see what my blog-friends make of the story.
Rachael used to love the jewellery that Mandalay sold; is well-read and sometimes I can picture her in waking hours – whilst other times she is a blur.
I’m lucky in my Lucid Dreams that when I realise I am dreaming I can travel to Camden to see her (indeed I don’t believe she is even from Camden, as often she speaks with a different accented twang).
Is this a portentous sign of a precognition that will someday be manifest?
Could it be a faint trace from a stored panoramic life review?
Maybe it is a brief touching of two parallel worlds?
Is Rachael actually my Daemon perhaps or someone tangible, someone I’m being directed towards?
Or, paradoxically, could I be Rachael’s Daemon?
Is Rachael really out there?
Or is she merely the Jungian Anima of my subconscious mind?
So come on, let me know what your thoughts are, and…………………….
Let’s go................
A Dark Philosopher
Karl Le Marcs
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Addendum:
In my ordinary dreams Rachael never appears, it is only while lucid dreaming that we meet. Maybe this is because in my personal phaneron we have not met so my subconscious dreaming mind cannot generate her image unless my conscious mind takes over.
Or Something.
*scratched head*
KARL; I am not completely certain what to make of your Rachael, and your fascinating encounters with her, but it certainly smacks of the "daemonic", and is obviously of some real import. I would almost think she points to an already-lived/parallel life of yours, were you not so certain of your "virginity". Perhaps she IS your daemon; and the fact that she held Anthony's book would seem to show a connecting link to him as well. All extraordinarily interesting -- I have never in my life had a lucid dream; I do not seem to have the propensity for them, although I am given to presentiments and hypnogogia. Thank you for sharing this, Karl. Would love to hear Anthony's own take on it. . .
Karl, thank you for posting that, i can tell it was very personal and i really enjoyed it. As usual my reply may be lacking in relevance, however this post for some reason made me think of this massive occurance in my life.
Over the years i have made great friends with people all over the country from different jobs working bars, clubs and restaraunts and make the effort to keep in touch with all of them after countless hours of drunken conversation. I used to get really upset as countless people whom i would get close to would leave. So when i developed this massive crush on my manager at the age of 19 we used to sit drink and chat for hours. One sunday when we had agreed to meet up in my local wetherspoons(classy!). WE had been drinking and chatting for hours and during a deep chat she said to me
"I don't think people are supposed to stay friends forever, i think you meet people learn what you can from them and then you move on"
Now granted she was trying to let me down easy, she was moving a couple of weeks later, despite this things actualy happening after(!) But that really deflated My "OVERANLYTICAL HOLDEN CAULFIELD" view i had on life at the time! As i had gotten older i was quite saddened by the fact i had become quite robotic, when people leave me or i leave them i just say yeah, ok bye, ive gone quite numb and think that's a bad part of growing up. Then i started to embrace life a bit more again and went to live in New York for 3 months. The thing i find quite sad is my little story became slightly cheapened by the vast amount of times i was repeating it over drunken chats (especialy with women!). This was one of the biggest moments that dictated my outlook on life and i felt i was devaluing it by turning it into a routine you know?!?! The point is (i think), it's a reoccuring important aspect of your life for you whilst you're both awake and asleep. Romantic outlooks spill out into virtualy every other aspect i can think of; creativity, confidence, sensitivity, awareness. Now correct me if i'm wrong, but aren't you a writer? I think this woman is your muse, wether you meet her in a very similar way, or are pushed towards a certain type of women because of these dreams are pretty much the same thing. I realised that my event was such a massive landmark in my life (depsite being seemingly rather petit, the situation and circumstances balloned it by anout 1000%)and if people don't get that, they don't get me. I guess i used it as a feeler to test if certain women were on my wavelength whilst in discussion, i do believe this may be yours.
I rememer having the most vivid and lucid dream about a woman about 7 years ago that spooked me out for days, it really feels like a future memory rather than just a dream. All i can suggest is, just enjoy them, but it sounds like you already give them such importance in your life. I'm sorry if my post has once again become self indulgent but i guess that's how you relate to others; "how does this affect me!!". Seriously, you described everything so well i was right there with you.
P.S. I happen to completely agree with my old manager's statement...now. I guess the trasition from the two viewpoints was all about growing up for me. If this reply wasn't scientific enough just remember
"Trying to talk about love is like dancing about architecture" !!!
Good day sir, it's good to feel naked in public isn't it, rather freeing, can't wait for your reply.
Martin
Also there's a new film coming out soon with Martin Freeman called "The good night" very similar theme.
KARL: I was just struck by a sudden thought: can you tell me what your Rachael looks like?
KARL; Another thought: often images, people, places which are experienced through the daemon also point to real things we encounter in our actual life (as Anthony would call it, our eidolon side)--I think the Jungian view would be that you are very likely being prepared for a real encounter in the future. What do you think? Despite Hurlyburly's fine analysis, I have found in my own life that many things do uncannily take actual form. As Rilke says, the future enters into us long before it arrives to meet us. Thank you again for sharing this; it reveals that you not only are part Oscar Wilde and part brilliant intellectual, but that you also have the boyish sensitivity still in you. . .
Good grief, I was just re-reading Hurlyburly's words and feel I may have missed his whole point--and he even states that whosoever does not understand that, does not comprehend him, either. I guess what HB is saying is that these images are always there for us in that realm, but in our lives they may take forms which are fleeting and transitory? Hope I haven't alienated Hurlyburly now. . .
Good grief, I was just re-reading Hurlyburly's words and feel I may have missed his whole point--and he even states that whosoever does not understand that, does not comprehend him, either. I guess what HB is saying is that these images are always there for us in that realm, but in our lives they may take forms which are fleeting and transitory? Hope I haven't alienated Hurlyburly now. . .
did not mean to post that twice--hope it doesn't have some horrible synchronicity meaning--I'd do best to leave now. . .
Karl,
Amazing post sir! Rather like yourself I have individuals that I have met in dreams over the years and I am sure that they are very real people located somewhere and that one day we will meet. Indeed I 'recognised' my present wife when I was first introduced to her as part of a work induction course fourteen years ago. I knew her from dreams that I had had for years previously. In some prfoundly deep way I knew that this young girl (I was 40 and she was 24) would change my life forever. And so it proved to be. Soon after that meeting my life changed totally and in many ways set me on the course which lead to my writing ITLAD.
I am sure that Racheal is very real and that she exists out there somewhere. I hope that you meet her this time round.
I will place a post later that mirrors in some ways your experience.
Ok, was out drinking with an old friend i havn't seen in years yesterday lunchtime,so that (entire) post was written with very relaxed fingers and a racing brain! I felt like there was a link between what i was saying and your post Karl but reading back i'm not so sure now! Either way your post was an extremely romantic one and i guess it just sparked old memories from a very romantic period in my life. I stand by pretty much everything i said but obviously in a certain context.
Don't post drunk now kiddies, you stay in school.
Susan-Marie,
Once again, bless you dear.
As to what Rachael looks like, I can occasionally picture her in waking hours but most often she is a blur but the sense of her being Rachael is very real (if that makes any sense in written word!).
I certainly don't think the specific aesthetics of her are important and I expect if or when I ever meet her we will both know. And of course, there is the "Let's go" line, which is the clincher!!
And I was delighted with your quote that I "not only are part Oscar Wilde and part brilliant intellectual, but that you also have the boyish sensitivity still in you. . .", and will surely wish to use that on any future dust jackets of my books.
*smile*
Susan-Marie
ps, Don't worry about posting the same comments twice.............
It is Groundhog Day after all !!
*Hee Hee!*
HurlyBurly,
Thank you for your own personal story, I'm glad we all feel comfortable enough relating these weird and wonderful idiosyncratic tales.
I did indeed see your connection to my tale, which is slightly worrying as it suggests I may be tuning into your thought patterns - and nobody wants that do they?
*smile*
And yes, I am basically just an old romantic, Wildean, Dostoyevskian, Nietzschean, old fool, 37 in years, 60 odd in mind and early 20s in soul.
Or Something.
Tony,
Thank you for your comments and your post on Leonard Frank and Hanna - tremendously interesting.
I must say that I did not know about your own precognitive dreams re Penny, which makes my Rachael all the more astonishing and is simply another of that long line of "links" I mentioned that have been made between Rachael and ITLAD.
Don't even mention Horsham !!!
One thing though, I might be wary of describing dear Penny as "my present wife" as the adjective suggests a subsequent - and I wouldn't want you getting a slap.
*smile*
And yes, there speaks the voice of experience in these matters.
Hi Karl
Yes, I have lucid dreams too. Some are trivial like I'm dreaming I'm watching TV and then about a week later I'll be watching TV and get a feeling of Deja vu as I know the ending to the movie but then I realise its because I had a dream about it. But, there is a recurring dream I have too and its similar to the dream you mention in Carenza's posting about you driving the car and not actually being at the wheel.
In my dream I am ice skating not sure why ice skating? as the last time I went in this "universe" I clung to the inch wide ice rink perimeter ledge for dear life with my youngest child clutching at my thighs sobbing 'are we going to die mummy!' then it took me an hour to haul us off the ice! So, not a favourite pastime by any stretch of the imagination! yet in my dream I am in my element and a very accomplished skater!.
I am also not alone, I have a male companion who I know and trust in my dream but, I don't know who he is in this "universe". We don't talk we just hold hands and skate side by side really fast!. We are not at an ice rink at first although we are inside, we whiz through tunnels round sharpe bends fly through the air so fast we are skating upside down. In the end we always come out into a giant ice rink and skate round and round and the feeling is wonderful. Sometimes I look down and I notice there is no ice and that we are skating just above the ground. I cant remember ever speaking to my companion and I don't recall their name I know they are male but I have a strong feeling that somewhere in my psyche I know them very well, as well as I know myself and that I am joined to them somehow. He may even be my husband in this "universe"?.
I have had this dream countless times and it always makes me feel exhilarated, free, real and dare I say normal?. I cant find any other words as there aren't any that can truly describe it. I love your Rachael dream and think that like my skating companion you know Rachael in your soul and that Rachael is more than likely (for want of a better phrase) "your soul mate". Karen x
Karen,
WOW, thank you for your comments.
I'm very interested in your skating dream and especially this ethereal companion - be it your Daemon, a connection with a parallel universe or a precognition/reminiscence from a previous experience is intriguing.
Can I ask a personal question?
Do you suffer migraine or bad headaches, and do you have any symptoms of either depression, schizophrenia or Temporal Lobe Epilepsy?
If you don't feel comfortable answering that on the blog, email me directly at adarkphilosopher@aol.com
But thanks for your comments and your words regarding "Rachael", whoever and wherever she may be.
*smile*
Hi karl
Yes, I suffer from severe migraine. I get them on average about 3 times a year and they last for approx 1 week. I have the bright light effect too which is what I find the most disturbing. The pain is horrid however, I could cope if it were just that. It's the bright light blindness I get with each attack I find most uncomfortable. I have just got over an episode and previous to that my last attack was Sept07 which I put down to the stress of my father-in-laws death but, there is no excuse for this recent attack as I've been on good form.
I have never had any of the other ailments you mention but, I can go into depressive moods for no reason which I've always put down to hormones etc...
Karen.
Hi Karen,
Thanks for your reply.
This is very interesting, and also supportive of lots of my own writing and research into this area (of which Tony is very aware).
I'm working on some Temporal Lobe research to possibly explain Migraine, Auras etc and linking it to Deja Vu and Precognitive / Lucid dreaming.
It's all fun ! *smile*
Thank you again though for speaking so personally, I appreciate it.
Karl
No probs glad to be of assistance.
Sounds interesting and if I can be of further assistance don't hesitate to give me a shout.
Karen
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